I do not feel like continuing to share my thoughts with readers would benefit either them or me. "To answer your question: No, I have not written anything else, nor will I. You did not! No, you did not, you did not, you did not! both for your kind words about "An Imperial Affliction" and for taking the time to tell me that the book, and here I quote you directly, 'meant a great deal' to you and your friend Hazel Grace'." "I am particularly indebted to you, sir." Hazel Grace, he just called me "sir." She may have forwarded that e-mail onto Van Houten. I am grateful to anyone that sets aside time to read my book." I write to thank you for your electronic correspondence. That is exactly what I was asking Van Houten for in my letters. However, we do need closure, don't you think? I cannot stop thinking about this Goddamned book. You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you. God, I love her, I'm so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You never worry if she's smarter than you, 'cause you know she is. And I willed myself to imagine a world without us and what a worthless world that would be. Her eyes were closed, her skin pale, but her hands were still her hands, still warm, and her nails were painted this dark blue black color, and. She was in the ICU when I snuck in for ten minutes and I just sat with her before I got caught. And isn't that more than most of us get? When Hazel was sick, I knew I was dying, but I didn't wanna say so. Maybe she wasn't loved widely, but she was loved deeply.
She didn't want a million admirers, she just wanted one. She asked me to write one, and I'm trying, but I just. I don't wanna ask you for any favors, but if you have the time - and from what I saw you had plenty - please fix this for me: It's a eulogy for Hazel. You're a shitty person, but a good writer.
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